Thursday, February 16, 2006

breast du poulet

Given the variety of notable, yet minor events happening at this time in my life, the following is a chapter by chapter “recap” on my thoughts, feelings, epiphanies and monsters.

-----------------------------------Scary------------------------------------------

Old single lady syndrome—I thought this happened only in the movies, but apparently not; they talk to themselves and their pets constantly, they do not let the pets leave their sight on pain of being reprimanded and slapped. Snoopy—they drink my milk when I am gone. After suspicions of said thievery, I preformed a controlled test which involved a lady, my milk, and my absence. My hypothesis was proved when the milk had less volume upon my return. Left over phobia—ladies such as this periodically throw away my left over food for concern of food poisoning. Stingy—in order to save money, some ladies have been known to turn the boiler off and claim that it is broken—scary.

------------------------------------Boring----------------------------------------

Today in Chapel I had an epiphany—worship sessions have not changed their songs since I was in 8th grade. Its like a musical testament to Saint Monotony. Anabaptist Theology—it’s a class, but it shouldn’t be. The locals refer to this class as crap-abaptist crap-pology due to their lower intestinal reaction upon entering the classroom.

------------------------------------Amazing--------------------------------------

This week I have seen the sun every day. As if trying to remember a dream, no one could quite pin-point exactly what that big yellow ball in the sky was, but after it was turned into a corporate money making scheme everyone remembered—the sun. (kind of like how no one would remember valentines day if it wasn’t a corporate scheme to sell chocolate, produce cavities, and improve the toothpaste industry (at this point I would like to add that toothpaste itself is a corporate scam—you don’t need it to clean your teeth)).

------------------------------------Fantastic-------------------------------------

Three nights ago I had a dream I was trying to sleep on an airplane with turbulence that could have out put the Pakistan earthquake to shame. Things were falling from the storage containers, women were screaming, children were crying, I was bouncing up and down and couldn’t manage to find my seat belt. Then I woke up and realized that I was not at 36,000ft going 600mph, no, I was in a trailer in a wind storm. The wind actually pushed the trailer about 2 inches—fantastic.

-----------------------------------Realization------------------------------------

I will never be a janitor. Ever again. Ever. On pain of a vacuumy, moppy death—so help me.

------------------------------------Mystery---------------------------------------

I live next to a chicken factory, truckloads of chickens go in but never come out. Where do they go? And if they do actually turn into chicken boob (a colloquialism for “Breast du Poulet”, which is French for “Chicky ala Dead”, which is upper class way of saying, “Chicken Breast”), what kind of systematic killing machine has some carnivoreistic crazy scientist developed to kill thousands of chickens within the space of hours—a mystery on par with microwave ovens and library ladies-why are they still walking when they died 50 years ago? We’ll answer that in our next edition of "Old Peole: Useless to society or good for making cookies out of?"

11 comments:

kaylie said...

BRENT! your hilarious! will you marry me, wait i'm married to J...J don't read this...

Béthany said...

i had a dream that i got shot to death with ball bearings...the worst consequence was it made me miss not ONE but TWO of my friends weddings.

You know something is wrong with me when I start dreaming about weddings. At least i missed them.

Miss Courtnay said...

hahah I didn't really read your post but I'm sure I will sometime. If you have time and want to drink some coffee tomorrow. I'm going to be in lanley after 3.30 sometime.
cell# 1-250-319-5409 I'll be chillin with Janice and Shannon. No worries if you don't have time or desire.

Polythene Pam said...

Did you ever see the chicken farm down the road from Capernwray? It was possibly my favorite discovery of that entire year... that and the faucets you could drink out of on the streets in Rome. You're just walking along and BAM there they are - a couple hundred chickens walking around. Beautiful.

Ro said...

You know, I had the exact same thought when I saw dogs outside dog farms in Korea. How were they killed? There were rumors that they made the dogs fight before they killed them to get the juices flowing.... ugh.

lid upon my head said...

It's like you and a bunch of friends get into this giant bus...just for fun lets say the UMA bus...not entirely sure where you're going but your friends are there so this should be fun right? Then you pull up to this building, which you assume is the place you'll be hanging your hat for the next few days, and everyone piles out into this room. Kinda crouded but you think, hey probably just a nice little orientation of your temporary home. Then one by one they start strapping everyone upside down to this conveyer belt by there feet and sending them through this door. Now your getting a little concerned, but all your firends are doing it so hey, why not. Next thing you know you're up on the belt being carried through the doors. They dunk your head in a tub of water send an electric current through it and LIGHTS OUT! - that's what the last moments of those poor chickens looks like : (
...well maybe...

chrissy2sheds said...

Chickens yes..the fiancee of a dear friend of mine who is 30 years her senior, owns a chicken farm near here. Tendai has been there. Have you heard of him? Well what happens on the farm One day a truck arrives with darling 1 day old chicks like the ones you see on cards at Easter.Anyway the go into 2 large sheds with a run in the open air which for the moment (I return to this ) they are allowed to use for an hour or so each day. The weeks go by the grow bigger in the rich feed they are given. Then, one night at about 2am when the chickens are at their sleepiest the truck returns and then are herded in . Off it goes to the chicken factory about 1 hour away then by 12 noon the next day fresh juicy chicken is on the shelves of Sainsburys. Returning to their excursion in the open air, this will probably change. The great plague ( bird flu )is on it's way. Within weeks duck and geese wll probably drop down dead in the Bays around our shores such as at Morecambe and Barnstaple. Chickens will all be locked up never to see day light again. If this spreads to humans we are told we will probably all die.

Oh Ken preached on James 1 v 26 & 27 today

~tiff~ said...

saw you at the vineyard today, but you left before i could say hi

Janice said...

it was fun dancing in the parking lot with you. we should start a club. or maybe a rave in that tiny trailer. that could be pretty sweet. sorry today didn't work out. *tear* seriously. but if robbie gets the job i guess he'll be back for the summer so if you hang around we can see him then!

Béthany said...

i've only changed the title of my blog once...thats hardly "all the time". and i even warned you about it.

all these crazy canadian and americans are down here these days, at the beach, building. but no brent. so i barely go, i cant bear it. ;) i went today and was rewarded with chocolate. you know when sometimes people bring you stuff from the past...like a certain kind of chocolate or breakfast cereals or whatever, and its just the best thing you've ever eaten, even if it melted somewhere over texas, and solidified in a fridge for the past two days? yeah.

° ÐãVeØ ° said...

My dreams are getting more worrying. Too many people are getting murdered in them. I don't mean, like, one second they are in my dream and the next they aren't. It's actually quite gruesome. This woman in my class got a flying piece of metal in her neck. Took it almost clean off. I only remember 6 people dying in any one dream. That's the max. The trouble is, that I don't find them troubling.

Miss you man.