Friday, December 15, 2006

a study in Christmas rage: the international conspiracy of Christmas

Be advised, the following may contain extreme Christmas-spirit-killing material. Rated "I" for Informative, Illuminating, and Illustrated Christmas rage.

When I was a kid Christmas had no commercials. Heck, I barely even had Christmas off from school, no one cared about it, there were no expectations, and we just did our thing. Granted that was in a country where Christmas is as popular as selfless giving is in America, but the fact remains—Christmas was great.

So now I ask, since when did Christmas get so commercialized? And why do we, as a culture insist on raping this celebration of winter and family by spoiling these two priceless things by dousing them in the boiling poison of materialism? Christmas is polluted! Code Red! Abort! I wonder why I have to listen to 200 commercials in stores, on the radio, on billboards, and on TV tell me that I have to buy something for the people I love in order to show them my appreciation. Well advertisements, I call your bluff. Do the companies selling diamonds care about your loved one? Do they want you to be happy? Do they really mean it when they say “merry Christmas!”. Pifff! Merry Christmas ho ho HA! It’s just a North American conspiracy to make you buy more things. MORE, ALWAYS MORE! And maybe it’s a sign when we have to rack our brains, scratch our heads and say “oh jeez what in the world can I get that person, seems like he/she has everything already”. CODE RED! I’m no tree hugger, but I’ve got to say that when it comes to this point, put your $20 into the flippen Salvation Army tin. I know it’s counter-cultural to actually selflessly give during Christmas instead of giving-because-you’d-feel-bad-if-you received-with-nothing-to-give-back, but you can do it. You can transcend blaring, loud, neon colored advertisements that tell you that you aren’t good enough, or your stuff is outdated, or that the best gift for your loved one is______ (insert word here). Commercialized, materialized America raped Christmas and turned it into a corporate money making machine.

Christmas trees are the newest icon to place on the alter in the sacred Temple of Materialism—the mall. They are the new symbol of American Express, affluence, and “trying to find that gift that’s perfect for that special someone? Well try SKREW YOU!@$ It works every time, guaranteed, so that this Christmas you can put a smile on her face with bren-topia travels all new SKREW YOU. Order online right now and with a purchase of $5,000,000,000,000 you can register to win a $50 gift card. That’s a complementary $50 gift card only when you order now!”.

It makes me want to burn them. All.


luke streckfuss said...

rated "I" for Internet

m.melissa.h said...

the line "what do i get her she has everything" dang, that resonated. I said that about a couple of my nieces for sure. The spirit of advent is greatly lost for me this year...chapters sucked it out of me and i allowed it to.

seriously though... Merry Christmas Brent

Polythene Pam said...

Haha, well that was.... angry...
IF you don't think the, what was it? "bren-topia travels all new SCREW YOU" is going to cut it as a Christmas gift you can always go check out and buy someone something they DO need in the name of something you want to express appreciation for. You can buy a share in a goat or chickens or a cow for someone in the developing world and give that as your gift to someone in the "developed" world.
Just a thought... you know... once the anger subsides and all.
Hey so, I think I'd like to come up to Seattle sometime after new years, I need to visit my cousins and a friend from school but... you think you'll be around...?

B├ęthany said...

ha HA! that is the most sensical think I've read about xmas this year. and its ok to be angry...its BEST to be angry. It is relly something amazingly ridiculous , what this season has become.

Christmas is polluted, indeed. Code red. Abort.

Polythene Pam said...

Well, it doesn't look like I'll be making it up to Seattle after all since my sis is in the hospital and could give birth at any time. But if you decide to come down to Portland ever to like... spend a couple days with Cami and Dierdre or something... DO give me a call because I would LOVE to see you if possible.
Hope your break's going well!