I would like to take this opportunity to announce the glorious betrothal of my brother, friend, and mentor; Cami Potter AKA "The muffin man". It was the 18th day of the 3rd month of the 6th year of the 4th lunar circumnavigation of the 1st day after St. Patricks commemoration of the 5th stage of the 8 fold path to enlightenment when we sent him off to the sound of a shattering bottle of champagne over his head (you know, like what they do for ships…only metaphorically). The ceremonies were fun, the bachelor party was superbly executed, and the grooms dudes were…well there’s no beating around the bush, we were hunks. Huge hunks of monkeys; Extraordinarily large, perhaps superfluously enormous, copiously corpulent HUNKS. Though of course in the shadow of Muffin man we were all but a dirty worm to be run over by steal studded winter travel tires. But after all the fun was over I was left with a feeling similar to that experienced after a funeral. I suppose that’s because in some ways it was an end. It was also the beginning of a super awesome new thing, but it’s always good to recognize and celebrate an end. Banzai for Mr. and Mrs. Muffin—may they dance and frolic where the women flow like salmon and the wine flock to beer like Capistrano. We salute you.
The coffee bean: crutch or crux?
My latest theory has been that in the Northwest coffee is popular because living in the Northwest freaken bites. Lets be honest, during the peak season a typical Northwesterner may not see the sun for weeks or even months. This is not humanly normal. The body says to itself “hey, I need some artificial stimulants to put an artificial sun back into my dismal, sad, glum life”. And if the patron prefers legalized stimulants then he/she would naturally go to the nearest dealer for a fix of that sweatshop supporting black, miry, teeth staining liquid diarrheic we have come to “love” (aka be addicted to) called coffee. Granted there is s certain coffee culture in the northwest that is educed by a lack of any other social day time activity by way of the drizzly depressing weather outside, and for that reason many of us have gone astray. But not you!! Boycott!! Picket!! Pillage!! Vikings!! Amsterdam!! Freedom fries!! GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!! LONG LIVE THE SHERRIFF OF NOTTINGHAM!!
At this point I will just assume that I have lost all my friends. But I don’t care!!...Heck, lets just go talk about it over coffee.