Thursday, May 04, 2006

Covert Wedded Opperatory Intelligence--Moscow

Hanging out with a newly wed couple, an observer cannot but feel a spy infiltrating the ranks of matrimony. But no matter how much enemy information is recorded he cannot but feel as though they will always know more than he. What I am referring to is the international conspiracy of marriage--that which all young bachelors and bachelorets have heard rumors about, but which few, in fact none have experienced. Especially in recent history a matrimonial epidemic has hit our culture and on the front lines of this barrage stands the Christen sub-culture. After reaching the age of eligibility the once sedated flame that kept the hormones tame now run like a wildfires in the streets of Christianville. Indeed the hormones of these young individuals attempt to overthrow the sermon-based cerebral propaganda of abstinence. For this very reason they are the weakest and therefore the first to fall. My friends, do not become another statistic, stand firm all of you. And for the fortunate few who manage to survive this time of trial, a word of invitation (assuming minimum 40 years of age, singleness, meaninglessness, and lack of immediate family) I invite you to consider the following activities that will enhance a meaningful existence and ensure a swift, premature death: 1. Mine sweeping in Cambodia. 2. Standing in front of tanks to protest government things 3. Stage a demonstration for Catholicism in Northern Ireland.

But really, married couples have a secret, I'm sure of it--it is for this reason I have decided to declare cold war on the Marriage Club of Secrecy (M.C.S.), the Underground Society of Matrimony (U.S.M.), and the Covert Wedded Opperatory Intelligence, commonly known as the C.W.O.I. (Headquarters for all global capitalist propaganda and ministers unsurprisingly located in Moscow itself).
It has begun.

10 comments:

chrissy2sheds said...

Helen our daughter announced this week she is getting married maybe next year. We are invited to a meal 2 morrow doubtless to be presented with the bill!

Justin Nanfelt said...

I want to be a soldier in your flippin army. Is it cool with you if I post this on the forum wall on Wheaton campus where everyone and their mother is talking about/getting married?!

ps- what's the # for where i can reach you in OR?

mary said...

haha, so i guess you're having a blast at cami's. ;) my phone is waiting to ring. (hint, hint).

luke said...

brent, what is your email address? (i typed this question while wearing large green gloves.)

B├ęthany said...

i can't believe you used the m-word so many times in a single post. my eyes are burning.

(ok, they are burning, but only because i was at the beach all day)

m.melissa.h said...

Yes I love that you called marriage an epidemic of the Christian sub-culture. Hey when do you head over to Japan?

Miss Courtnay said...

I think the secret married people have is called sex. ohhh, and relationship. But I hate it... I'm the only one in my famiy without and although at first it was cool, it then became hard. And now I have just made a point of being as single as possible and livin it up without responsiblity.

elsa said...

same old brent! still stuck in that same thinking pattern.. if you were absolutly empathetic and considered marriage from a married person's point of view and not your own, you might not find yourself being a spy but a convert! ha! ceci dit, I don't think I stand in the line of pro-marriage.. I am quite indifferent to the idea and to men in general... i must go back to France to find my lost sense of passion.. good posting however, very original and imaginative.. thanks for the evening distraction Brentsu! ciao!

Polythene Pam said...

I called you today, but you didn't answer. It rang and rang and rang and... rang - and apparently you don't have voicemail. I am very sad we have not yet seen each other. It's almost unfathomable. And now I am going to VA. But the goodnews is, I'll be back on monday, and you'll still be here! I seriously have to see you soon. Everytime we study Japan in my history class my eyes well with tears for missing you (ok, not really, but almost).
love.

heidi said...

stumble stumble. hi, i'm reading your blog. this is not normal. i've just been thinking about you lately. so take that.