Monday, November 28, 2005

BrenTopia Travels Inc. -Fashion Division

I am pleased to announce the first addition to my wardrobe since the year of our lord 2003. As many of you know, due to the new European travel restrictions, BrenTopia Travels Inc. based out of Carnforth England, was forced to layoff hundreds of cloths, leaving them ownerless, jobless, and dejected. This economic “downsizing” caused what many economists have deemed “a downward spiral” in the BrenTopia Fashion Division of BrenTopia Travels Inc. While initially, BrenTopia Travels promised that it would only layoff apparel, soon after it proceeded to layoff shoes, accessories, books, and yes, even toothpaste. The riots caused by unemployed apparel eventually drove BrenTopia Travels Inc. out of Britain and on to mainland Europe where it set up head quarters in Shladming, Austria. In the true spirit of riches to rags, the BrenTopia Fashion Division found itself downsized to the following list of latest fashion gear:

Sweatshirts: 1
Jacket: 1
Socks: not enough
T-Shirts: 3
Shorts: 1
Pairs pants: 3
Boxers: 3
Pair shoes: 1
Hats: none
Formal anything: none
Hygiene equipment: toothbrush
Other Hygienic tools: none
Books: 3 (down from 7)

Yes, there was only one word to describe this struggling business: compact. Using their weakness as its strength, BrenTopia Fashion Division was the first to claim that its entire wardrobe (consisting of net gross approx 15$US) could easily fit into one 50-liter REI frame pack. However, after almost 8 months of facing constant rebuke from fellow competitors in the fashion business, the unthinkable happened. In a storm of Shekinah glory and pearly doves, 7 (a holy number) shirts and 4 sweatshirts floated down from the heavens and were graciously donated to the “Brent-is-a-Starving-Child-Too” fund—a fund founded by BrenTopia Travels Inc. itself. Who could be the messenger of such charitable donations? It came in that vast reservoir of apparel, that masterful fashion Houdini, Justin McNanfelt. O Sacrum convivium, ave Maria, sancti amos deum, Alleluia. Amen.
Thanks be to God.
If you too would like to donate to the Brent-is-a-Starving-Child-Too fund, send cash, check, money order, or Cows* to: brentsastarvingchild@feedthechildren.com
*Cows may be used as currency only for those who do not reside in 1st world nations. Holiday blackouts, restrictions, and meaningless government inspections/visas apply. Cows must be worth at least 2 live virgins.

18 comments:

Janice said...

i remember when i met cami. all he had was...1 sweatshirt, 1 pair of shorts, 1 pair of swim trunks, 1 t-shirt (then rainbow bought him another one i think...maybe that was tashia. i can't remember), 1 pair of runners, 1 pair of sandals, and i think maybe 2 pairs of pants. and a backpack with a bunch of climbing gear. and perhaps kirk's old datsun. naturally i wanted to help...so i gave him a too-small tshirt. i'm a giver...

ps don't ask me how i remembered all that...

Schrecky said...

but how did you remember all that?

Béthany said...

hey, cow.

we dont use cows as currency in my non-1st world nation, but we do use goats.

Justin Nanfelt said...

Brent. I must say that it was my pleasure. Especially after you spent those 7 (thanks be to God) days with us. Alleluia. Amen. (I hope that's not blasphemous...) And I just gotta add that the fact that I made your blog is wicked cool!
Pace Fuori

Ro said...

Hey, I was just given a ton of clothes too! Half of my clothes molded last winter and I never got around to replacing any of them. Good thing, because someone just gave me an entire wardrobe of winter clothes! Yes, the angles are singing loud praises on our behalf.

chicki said...

this from the guy who never made his bed apparently, just dumped all the "clean sheets" and clothes owned onto the bed and slept right on top of them. Was this actually while you were playing shower chicken? brent...you're great :)

Polythene Pam said...

Did you even get that shirt I sent you for your birthday? I liked it...
This is my favorite part of that post "Cows must be worth at least 2 live virgins."
Aw Brent, you are a DELIGHT.

mary said...

reading your last post...about airplanes...reminded me that i get to fly home in 10 days! and as awful as a 15 hour plane ride might be, nothing seems more inviting right now. i just wish that you were going to be there too. it better work out for our time home to overlap this summer.

person said...

sheep are worth 4.5 live virgins.

and here is a poem:
b is for brent
he is cool
....um trent
....tool

i am an english major you know. thats a work of art right there.

brent, you're linked to my blog! did you know that is equivalent to a seat on the queens council? i think you should really think about that.

well brenstu pot pan, i;'m not going back to onterrible so it seems, and staying at le mansion. that means in the upcoming winter we be chilling. yes...we be. at whistler, at mansion, et all.

:) i love brentsu. :)

chrissy2sheds said...

This has reminded me that I have a contribution to make to BrenTopia Fashions trouble is it is dirty because it has been worn down a hole in the road and needs washing. My washing associate here is doing her best but it has not, as yet , passed my quality control

About planes, I like planes last year when we went to Iran we got a seat in Homer class right next to the prayer room

luke said...

i'm pretty sure i already am your nude photographer. yea, almost positive on that one. (and you are mine)

mary said...

has it arrived yet? haha...the "chicken" of course.

Miss Courtnay said...

aren't virgins worth different amount depending on their age and possibly ethic background. A north american virgin would be worth more then a japaness one. Wouldn't it???
You are so funny brent. luving it.

° ÐãVeØ ° said...

Caroline, I can vouch for his uncleanliness, having shared a room with him in England and in Austria.
And no, he didn't sleep on all his clothes and bedsheets throughout shower chicken. It was the whole term!!!
Brentsu you are too funny. The next time I'm at Capernwray, I'll smuggle a sheep for you. 4.5 live virgins! Wowsers. Is it really up to that much now? Did you take into account the exchange rate? Remember that although the Pound is strong, the number of British virgins are nearing negative numbers. Hmm, yes Alicia, 4.5 does sound feasibly correct.

Liana said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Liana said...

uhh, my computer is shorting out. why was that deleted? mmm.

brent potter... my fiance of old - your blog made me laugh, made me cry. it moved me. i had forgotten the joys of brent's humour. i don't have any availible sheep here in the south - how about sea gulls? we have LOTS of sea gulls. equivilence: .75 virgins [so the Official Virginity Equivilence Authorities say]

mollybob said...

there's sheep and cows a-plenty here in the northern parts of lancashire.. pregnant sheep, nonetheless... want me to ship one over?

(not sure what ray would have to say.. but hey, im sure he wouldn't mind)

Greetings from a frosty Capernwray

Jen

Kuri said...

As opposed to two dead virgins? I guess that makes sense.

I DO recommend investing in toothpaste, tho. Statistics show it has a high success rate in making and keeping friends.