Saturday, December 10, 2005

b.y.o. suicide pill

You came to do what is a culturaly accepted thing that upper class college people do. Half the people at your table are too busy digging their noses into each other to notice your existence, the other half are awkwardly wishing they could do just that. And whats so fun about these Christan parties? You just sit. and sit. and wait for your turn to go get food. Then you come back, try to fit all the food on the plate into your mouth in small bite sized pieces (preferably without leaving anything hanging out of your mouth) and all this while making a tremendous mental effort not to put your elbows on the table. When trying to engage in polite conversation across the table, you find that they have only a vested interest in each others faces. In vain, you scrutinize their faces to see what could be so interesting-nothing comes up. Their conversation? Non-verbal...apparently all they need to communicate can be done through the spiritual gift of touch.
And you sit in black pants and a blue tie secretly spying on other tables to see if they are as boring/awkward as yours. Having graduated from Junior high, you suspect that your table is the exception but apparently not. All around little awkward Junior highers dressed up as college people engage in monotonous, teeth-wrenching conversation.
And sit. no dancing. no good music. Just the remnants of a good meal on your plate. And wait for something to happen. When nothing does, you can only aspire to theorize the reason for "Christmas banquets". The theory is as follows: Girls like to dress up. Girls like guys dressed up. Guys like girls. Desperate bible school guys will go to any lengths to have girls link arms with them. Suck-up guys dress up for pretty girls = Christmas banquet.
Some one please tell me what part of sitting all night and blankly staring at other people is fun? Why not go stare at a brick wall instead? Its cheaper. Heck, why not just get a grand piano and repeatedly beat yourself over the head with it instead!@#$ You'll get the agony done all at once instead of dragging on! HEAVENS TO BETSY MAN! Are "banquets" the funnest activities that can be done on a bible school campus?!@#

12 comments:

Kuri said...

apparently. i say start a revolution and host a wild dance party in your house.
p.s. where will you be in january?

Ryan said...

it's a sad truth that i've seen repeated more times than i can count to 11. maybe that's why someone always spikes the punch at these things- was that your job? did you get the memo? next time just go out to mcd's with some friends- you'll have more fun.

m.melissa.h said...

...you should have came with me. atleast we could have mocked the situation together, instead we awkwardly met in the middle of it all.

Béthany said...

ive never suffered such a thing. things are just more fun in south america, i guess. and ive never been to a cristian school...minus capernwray, but we had caileighs and stuff and it was different. y' know. but i did hate the times we had to dress up.

not all girls like to dress up you know. i HATE it. but i guess i do like guys dressed up. HOWEVER; NOT ENOUGH TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS MYSELF. Ugh. Horrible.

and about the mission trip to Canada: no way man, thats too weird. it doesnt work, see, because people in ecuador dont have money to spare to give away to people going on superfluos "mission trips" (read: travel to exotic locations with built in spiritual self-satisfaction)


note to everyone else: this is how brent and i speak to each other. its just mk banter.

kaylie said...

you should of shown up in sweats, said awkward embracing stuff all night-like the pick up lines we used to make up at c'wray. it would have made the night a lot more fun. if you come to the new year's reunion in seattle i promise you'll have fun...

Béthany said...

you couldnt find it on my blog because i posted it on yours.

and not all mission trips are like that. but too many are. and any i go on would be. when i went to the jungle, thats what it felt like for me. i totally went on non-evengelistic motivations, and the people i went with expected me to do bible classes and whatnot, and i was like "no way.im going to be true to my motivations to come, i didnt come to do bible classes, i came to see and hear and feel" so i helped the girl i travelled with do bible classes. i felt much better about it all that way. is that twisted?

but sorry. you made this comment about mission trips on my blog and now i am commenting on it on your blog.i think i might call you this week, but not for very long because i dont have any money, and i want to call pamela and maybe chelsea too.

Miss Courtnay said...

I avoid this horrible event this year by volunteering to sever at our christimas dinner. Sadly it to was stupid christian set up where no one knew what was going on and the one women who thought she had power glares are you all night. And your thinking to yourself I won't be coming back to this place. How to non-christians ever find themselves at church as I get older I find I avoid it more and more. Recentally this has ment me going to different churches every sunday and then skipping the odd one. I just am having a hard time finding love in that building. Worst part about christianity is the christians. Me included.

chicki said...

yeah the last time i went to one of those actually was in jr high. after that at my christian high school me and the other band nerds were the only ones dancing while everyone else pretended to so they could make out. Well i had fun...its all about the dancing seriously!

Schrecky said...

I lived through this four four years. At least my high school put on skits during the awkward dinner which was at least a band aid on slit wrist.

Polythene Pam said...

I met a couple other guys who know your brothers. Ben Thomas for one. Wait, maybe it was just him. Did Jason know them? Maybe? I can't remember... I don't know his last name anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter. The Potter family sure does get around.

Polythene Pam said...

Wait did I ever mention the first guy who I met who knew Cami? I think maybe I didn't. Jay Amadio - aka "yeah yeah" at camp apparently - worked with him at camp I think. Or... yeah, something like that. I met Jay in psycology class at Mt. Hood and now I work for his youth group and know and love his family. God is very good. And that's how I met Ben and Jason who knew your other siblings... or at least ben did, Jason may or may not have as I already said.

mary said...

you should be here brent...i was missing you today. went to handbell practice and the ensemble performed for me and mr. ponzani told stories about you and me and four years of trouble. :) kasumi said she doesn't miss "brent's freshmen clean-up days." haha. after going to bell practice and hanging around school a bit, i went to good old t-town. tokorozawa without a brent just isn't the same though. but it was wonderful...just to walk around and take it all in again. hope you're doing well brent...and have a fun time skiing. miss you.