Saturday, December 31, 2005

toilet paper hitler

Man, I've had it with being poor. I’ve had it with the straightjacket triangle of college-cafeteria-dorm life. It’s like instead of having a shoulder angel, I have a shoulder Hitler always denying me everything ever. And then there's those girls who insist on going out to eat and when I courteously decline they ask why. ALWAYS ASK WHY. When I inform them that it is due to my lack of funds they insist on paying. In my naivety I used to resign myself to allowing others to pay for me but no more. NO MORE! What? Do they think I have no soul? That I would kindly agree to prostitute my soul to their capitalistic Satan spree? I THINK NOT So I look around and see "nice cars", people living in houses with "two bathrooms", or just a “house with a roof”, wearing "name brand cloths", with "real jobs", and "hook up's" well there’s one word I want to share with you people: SCREW YOU!!! So what if, instead of using note books I use toilet paper from the janitor room that I sneak out every day after my crappy on-campus-job-because-the-blasted-Canadian-government-won’t-let-me-work-off-campus-
even-though-they-have-a-worker-shortage-and-declining-population-rate. SO WHAT? So sue me; I use toilet paper for socks, notes, decorations, band-aids, head turbines, heck, I hardly have enough to toilet paper to use for its original application! Now whenever is I use toilet paper I think of my shoulder Hitler oppressing me, laughing at me because I don’t have the funds to contribute to his socialistic, anti-Semitic, epicenter of global hatred and domination via capitalism!! (Or S.A.E.G.H.D.C. for short) I hate mooching off friends for rides, food, and above all I detest that look of sympathy from that one girl. That look of pity that says "you poor soul, you cant afford to eat in Wendy’s so I want to give you money but I know you'll hate it, but I think I'm going to try and get away with it by ordering 2 meals without him knowing, and then I'll give one to him and he'll have to eat it!! muha...muhaha...MUHAHAHAHAHA!!! MY PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION HAS COME TO FRUITION!!" It’s a nice thought, and maybe it’s just my pride, or my strong conviction not to attune myself to a subconscious mental philosophy of people=food=free=manipulate=no real friendship at all (a tendency I have noticed among the poor ones at college), but if someone does this, it’s just awkward. How can a man face himself the mirror the next morning after having a cute girl buys him a meal at Wendy’s?! Its like the 17 year old store-worker girl this summer who insisted on giving me, a 20 year old a ride home every day instead of letting me walk the flippen 20 minutes home. And what is it about America that makes walking out to be such a travesty? Is it not ironic that the same people who insist on organic foods, yoga, and rigorous daily exercise compete to get the closest parking spot possible to Costco's main entrance? And then as soon as they see people loading groceries into a car that is potentially pulling out the spot they've always dreamed of, they wait in the middle of the road with they're blinker on, meanwhile blocking all traffic behind them. Its just walking, its not going to kill you America. Good lord.

14 comments:

chrissy2sheds said...

It was probably buy one get one free Brent Anyway I expect they fancy you enjoy it! Happy New Year

We have just ot back from France take a look later Chris

mary said...

oh brent, you make me laugh so much and mostly because everything you say is so true but you say it in such a unique way. as i read your post i remembered many a wednesday night our first two years of high school when you and jordan would borrow money for dinner before hi-ba...now its awful because i come home and go out to school to visit old friends and both my younger siblings come ask me for money. yes, met up with more friends in shibuya today and ran into hosh, tommy, and hansen who were off to the sento. well happy new years in 2.5 hours for me and many more hours for you. enjoy!

mary said...

oh, and amen about stupid americans parking as close as they can to stuff. it drives me crazy too when they block everything waiting for a car to pull out. when i drive friends to walmart, i purposely park as far as possible just to annoy them. i love being in this country where i only ride in the car when my dad insists on picking me up from the eki when its late, dark, and cold. and thinking of that reminds me that you mentioned that you're driving brent...i'm worried. but of course if you can sail a boat with such skill, you can drive a car.

m.melissa.h said...

Brentarama! You're not back in BC are you!? No, you should be in seattle with all the rest of the crazy capers i suppose *sigh* ...hmmmm...well now that i'm totally scared to hang out with you and offer a ride, speaking of rides.. how did getting your liscence work out?! Imagine if you could drive, you could totally live at my place and leave CBC dorm life in the wasteland..........talk to ya soon!

Polythene Pam said...

Good gracious Brent, you sure know how to rant. Honestly I think spending today with you and Luke was the best part of my whole trip (shh don't tell the others. It's probably just cuz I'm not much of a large group kinda person). Not to be, um, the devil, but may I kindly remind you of 2 things which greatly decrease my sympathy for you at this moment: a) you didn't fill out your fasfa b) you have a season pass to ski. Now I'm very glad you have a season pass and it's your call about the fasfa (or whatever the acronym is) but you know... I'm just saying is all. And if I want to share my milk-shake and fries with you well then I suppose you'll just have to deal with it. Ah, only in love Brenty, only in love. It was great to meet your family, they were all quite delightful.
love,
Pammy
(and I don't let very many people call me that so you just count your blessings mister!)

Kuri said...

AHOY CAPPY. can we do yoga at our college?

brent potter said...

there will be yoga practice fort-daily.

andrew said...

omae no chin chin i senchi..
pantsu o nuide!
ai shiteru yo...

person said...

hey topher
i'll be at whistler this sat.
see you sucka

chicki said...

AMEN!! Brent...I worked as a valet over christmas at a shopping mall and NO ONE walks!! They all want me to park their car for them even though I just park it in the deck and it takes me 5 seconds to get back to the place where they dropped it off. But I get a nice workout even if they fat bloated heffers I park for don't. It's ok though they give me money. Hey come to alabama!!! Why? Because I'm here gah!

Miss Courtnay said...

Brent, If I counted all the ways I enjoy you ranting, raving bitching blogs. If would be as long as your last entry. So I will say this sometimes the cute girl, thinks it's really great that you let her buy you food. So it's not really a plot to over through your manhood, even thought I understand you view it like that. I'm with you on the walking thing though. I start walking to school on monday becasue I don't car pool with my brother anymore and therefore can't justify it in my mind. People think I'm poor because I'm going to drive. They think it's great I pay money to my gym though. WHY???

mary said...

blents, today was the second alumni game and thus a massive gathering of our classmates. i'll e-mail you sometime (but not until you e-mail me) and say more but i did deliver your message to dane and i updated maki on that certain experience you wanted to share with her. she was laughing so much and telling me all about that conversation you guys had over okonomiyaki that one time...so good to see maki, she's doing so well. i've been meeting up with people everyday this week and it has been so wonderful but everyone is flying back tomorrow or monday so today was the last day to see most people. so it was a very special day. so glad you'll be here this summer...even if you'll be at northstar most of the time...and i asked my boss and she doesn't hire guys--gomen--and i wasn't about to lie about your gender. ; ) oyasuminasai!

Beth said...

I share in your poverty Brent, and I think your blog is hilariously true. I have to bum my mom for a ride to school everyday, because I don't even drive.

Emma Rose said...

Sad fact about being a girl: you can't handle hearing people talk about being hungry. Especially not if you're a girl who's used to cooking for half a high-school football team. But that's another story. Try this "I can't go out to eat with you" excuse instead: "You know, I'd love to, but I'm on this 'no processed foods, including salt' diet." It gets a totally different response, and nobody will buy you anything. :)

Funny post. good luck with the Toilet Paper! -- An American who parks close to buildings because of perpetual rain (...she can't afford water-proof mascara).